Family systems theory was introduced by Dr. Murray Bowen in the 1960s. Unfortunately, many families are dysfunctional. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have a bad family. People assume that every family member will be supportive, loving, caring, empathetic, and loyal to one another. If a family member is a constant state of need, then they are toxic to your health. The word ‘family’ is mostly associated with good things. We were very close as children, but for as long as I can remember she’d ask me for favors and have me doing things for her without ANY show of appreciation or gratitude. Thank you so much for this article. It just depends on your circumstances and all the different factors that have played into your life. It's hard to watch family members refuse to take care of themselves. Anybody who estranges themselves from family does not do so lightly. You can say, "If you're going to keep speaking to me that way, then we're done with this conversation." Please stop or just talk to somebody else about him. Very basically, the family systems theory says that families are systems of interconnected and interdependent individuals. Sometimes we can slight someone without realizing it. But you don't have to take part in this. Taking care of them, fixing problems they encounter, and having to treat them like a child you are looking after, are all signs that they are contributing to your health in a negative way. Before telling a toxic family member how they make you feel, try this. Why is this important? Finding ways to encourage healthy choices while protecting yourself is important for you and your family. If you're not ready to cut family out of your life—or you don't think their behavior is extreme enough to warrant it—you may be tempted to call them out on what they're doing in an effort to break the cycle. “We have our parents for 30 to 50 years, but we have siblings for 50 to 80 years,” she says. I want us to have a balanced living situation and that causes me stress.” ... My dad has turned all other family members against me…I joined FB because of family member in VA and I’m n NC…in fact I’m currently holding a fundraiser on FB and not ONE family member has donated ! Family members take on different roles from time to time in order to help each other out. Like I owed it to her. Over time, family members become accustomed to enabling narcissists, simply giving them what they want to keep the peace. Because many people mistake tough […] Whether you resonate with all, some, or none of these key points, just remember that if you don’t really talk to your family, it’s OK. Well, first of all, let go of the idea that this is about you, or something she did to you. Those who initiate family estrangement often feel deep regret later. You might be dealing with an elderly parent, a sibling struggling with addiction or mental health issues, an ill relative, or some other family member. 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